Let's say one of your biggest dreams is to open up an Italian restaurant, teach pole dancing, study archaeology, sail around the world, become the goodwill ambassador for dogs in need, immigrate to Iceland...
and The Best Man of All, your husband, doesn't want to support you in this new adventure!
Should you dump him or go against his wishes and do it anyway?
Or rather take his advice, forget about your dream and live happily (?) ever after with him - only to regret this decision for the rest of your life?
Well, I have never met your husband and I also know it takes more than just unfulfilled dreams to give your man the boot.
(Note: No dream is worth divorcing your husband over- assuming he is not a drinking, lying, cheating, beating, schizophrenic, ego driven, money wasting bastard of course).
So let's be nice, let's stick to our promise to love him forever and apply the Motherpreneur -Ninja tactic to get what you want!
Note: A shared vision and dream is so much more fun, adventurous and rewarding than going on a solo trip!
Men, in general, are less complex than women. They are simple souls, really!
Men are happy
- being left alone to solve problems,
- to provide
- take steps of action, eat, drink, have sex and be merry!
In other words, they are easy to figure out!
(This is based on ongoing research: I grew up with a father, a brother, I have been dating and today my husband and I are happily sailing through our life together for the last 24 years).
If we women apply a few cleverly selected 'seduction' tactics we can get what we want! Because our dream is important and we all have the right to live our personal wishes and desires!
Before we get started let me make a few assumptions:
You love your husband and you really want to spend your life with him.
You really, really want to (fill in blanks here)______________________________
Plan of action:
If you want to or not, you need to sit down with the Best Man of All.
Even if you think 'he knows already, I talked about_________________a while ago'.
Don't make assumptions. He can not read your mind. He doesn't remember what you told him three years ago!.
Set the date, chose a neutral venue and feed him well.
Make sure he has a pint / glass of his personal Happiness drink in front of him!
Tell him to listen only; you will do the talking!
Note: Never, ever choose the bedroom, please! It sets the wrong tone and he will get the wrong idea. Men agree to anything after they had sex. Have you noticed?
Share your vision with him (again), tell him exactly
Why you want to ______________ and
WHY now is a great time (e.g. kids are off to University).
Note: Men have a short attention span, come to the point sooner than later!
Emphasise on the steps of action you are going to take to make this plan a reality!
Show your man you mean business and you are not a hot air balloon!
Talk finances with a well thought through, well calculated financial plan.
Oh yes, men love money. They need and want to know how much things cost, where the cash is coming from, how long it's going to take to recuperate the dough and he needs to know the profit margins.
Once again, know what you are talking about. Be conservative, careful and realistic. Rather overestimate the expenses and underestimated the profit than the other way around.
From experience speaking I know customers are unpredictable...need I say more?
Paint a truthful picture of how all this is going to affect the life of The Best Man of All.
(Note to oneself: Refill his glass now, he will need it).
What does he want/ needs from you?
Freshly cooked meals every day? Ha,ha, keep on dreaming. How about twice a week?
Having sex 6x/ week? Keep on dreaming! I will be too busy. How about once a week?
What about all your weekends spend in the pub / on the golf course / in the gym / at your parents home etc.?
Could you please help me with the kids/ garden/ cleaning/laundry?
Make sure Mr. Right knows what he is getting himself into (no false promises here)!
However,mention this is only temporarily.
And sooner than later 'éverything will be back to normal' again - or to something better even!
Now comes the part were you
emphasise on all the advantages your new venture will bring to the family:
- You, as the mom is setting a grand example for the kids, especially for your daughters.
- You will become a much better mom, 'cause you can finally live your dream! (And living ones dream makes you more happy, it is that simple!)
- We are going to have the same, or even higher income - one day!
- This new phase in our life together will strengthen our family ties.
- This is going to be a great story to tell to our grandchildren.
Let him sleep and ponder over your idea for a day or two. No longer- otherwise he will forget!
Sit down again and ask
what he thinks and how he feels about your plan.
Listen to his ideas and suggestions but never, ever let him talk you out of it!
Tweak your dream if necessary to make it come true.
E.g. My husband refused to move to the Caribbean with us to open my coffee shop there (something I dreamt about for 17 years).
Instead of giving up I brought the Caribbean to Holland (where we lived during that time).
If you want to open a restaurant and The Best Man of All is sincerely worried about the financial burden. start a catering service from for home, specialising in Italian cooking.
Wanna' give up your well paid job and go back to University? Research the best options to go back to school. (In Europe it is free if you are a mature student).
Apply for a weekend/ part time job to cover some of the expenses. Be willing to make sacrifices (less expensive clothes, holidays, dinner dates).
Whatever it is we want in life we have to get up and get it. Nobody ever said it would be easy-but living your dream is definitely worth the effort, headache, sacrifices, arguments, sleepless nights, tears of stress, of relief and happiness.
I cried, I argued with my husband-at the end of the day he knew it was important to me to turn our life upside down only to open up the coffee shop in the midst of The Netherlands! He believed in me- and I soared!
Well ladies, I keep my fingers crossed for you and your venture.
This is not Mission Impossible, this is a well thought through, well calculated risk- a risk worth taking because our personal dreams are way too important than to forget about them!
Please remember: We are an inspiration- to ourselves, to our family and to the world!
NOTE: If your dream is to open up a brick + mortar business or to immigrate to a different country, drop me a line! I am going to send you lots of info!