Guidelines for Cheating Husbands

When I read about the 'David Petraeus Affair' I felt strangely compelled to write this post. There is nothing new or surprising about married men in powerful positions cheating on their wives. It seems to come with the job description. Mr. Petraeus is just another man in a long line of others caught with his 'pants down'.

But this incident made me wonder: If the Director of the CIA can't keep his extramarital affair a secret, WHO can? I believe the lads in the cheating department need some help!                                                                                                                       
 Ladies, don't get me wrong, I am on your side!. There is no excuse for a lying, cheating other half. But if men do it,  at least they should conduct their affair with some integrity and with no pain inflicted to their wives.

Considering my real life experiences either as 'being cheated on' or being 'the other woman', I am actually unqualified to write these guidelines ( as far as I know-). But, during my years as a coffee lounge owner I listened to enough real life break-up stories and I read enough Jackie Collins novels' to know HOW the straying guys get caught.

Therefore, my housewife brain went into overdrive and I came up with these few, but simple guidelines for the cheater or wannabe cheater:

Gentleman, IF YOU DO IT, DO IT RIGHT!

But first of all let me tell you: You should be ashamed of yourself; there is NOTHING extra-ordinary about having an affair! If you are adamant about having 'a woman on the side', at least make sure you

DON'T GET CAUGHT (This is why having á secret affair 'is called secret)!

This involves                                                                                                                                                KISS & DON'T TELL!  Nobody wants to listen to a tattle tale. Haven't you outgrown your bragging stage yet?

Try to keep your 'lady of lust' in the dark about your personal life and who you really are!                                                                                                                                         
 This in turn means your affair doesn't know where you live (remember the movie Fatal Attraction?) , what your telephone number is or how to get hold of you via e-mail.

Make sure your 'side interest' doesn't have any friends, i.e. she can't brag about you!

Destroy all written evidence on paper or on electronic devices. Remember, if your wife does the laundry she will search every pocket of every piece of clothes you own!

If you need to use modern telecommunication devices keep in mind, deleted messages are still traceable. My suggestion for secret communication? Buy yourself a trained, mail pigeon! You only need to explain the arrival of the bird to your wife. I am sure you will find a plausible explanation!



If you mentioned you are going out of town, leave town as promised. You never know if your wife took one innocent look at the mile reader before you departed...

If you are a well known public figure, make sure your other woman lacks ambition. God forbid she would use you for her own personal enrichment. (this is only applicable if you violated rule No.2)

If you are important and interesting to human mankind, start a blog or write an autobiography. If you have more pressing matters to attend to and need a woman to write your biography, make sure she is a) a good writer and b) totally unattractive!



Don't make promises like "I am leaving my wife and kids for you". All hell breaks loose if you don't follow through. We women can be quite persistent and nagging about these issues...

If all this sounds too complicated, follow the advice of our good friend Michel. His philosophy in life is: "Keep it simple, stick with your wife!" ( the one woman only- rule)

Now, most people I know would call this the norm, but for any cheaters or wannabe's this may sound extra-ordinary indeed!

STAYING DEBT- FREE during CHRISTMAS TIME

Is this the impossible task or a mindset?

My legs were begging me "come on, let's move"and my head told me "I need to think about something". Therefore, I went for a run!

It was pouring down with rain, but the small gesture of tying my shoelaces only reconfirms the old saying:  Mind over Matter;  if we really want to do something we will do it -regardless of the circumstance(s)..

Yesterday was Black Friday, the day after American Thanksgiving. Two days ago my new neighbours across the border praised the Lord; Americans were thankful for what they have and were counting their blessings.

Yesterday, Canadians and Americans alike were counting their blessings for the opportunity to purchase consumer items tax free.Yesterday, we were grateful for the invention of credit cards and we praised our banks for their willingness to lend us money.

It is a crazy world we live in: We purchase in the name of 'keeping up appearances', in order to keep our children happy, to look good in front of our neighbours... or for whatever reason we decide to open our wallets for.

The real Christmas frenzy hasn't started yet, but Black Friday is a good indicator of what to expect. Tempted by too many Special Deals and Big Savings for items we don't really need we spend and spend. The sad, but true fact about money is, you can only spend it once! Therefore we should 'hand it over'  wisely. Apparently not so. It is much easier to spend invisible money  (i.e. put it on credit) than real bills and coins because we can't see and feel them.i.e. it is so easy to lose track of expenditures!

As a citizen of the modern world I own both, a credit- and a charge card. And truth to be told, I love them both! But, before I put them to good use I always think of my father. His philosophy on credit cards is:"Only charge what you can afford to pay back straight away. If you can't buy it now, save up for it!"

I like this particular pearl of wisdom from him and live accordingly. The banks don't like me much, but my frugal spending habits have served me and our family well so far.

BUY within your budget. Honestly, how hard is that? Such a simple formula, but so hard to live with!?

Everyday we are listening to radio and TV reports of how much the average US and Canadian citizen spend during the most wondewrful time of the year! There is more spending frenzy between now and Dec. 31 than at any other time of the year and the individual debt is pilling up.

Dominic came home the other day and gave me a big, fat kiss! The kiss was one of relief and happiness. He just listened to another disturbing report on the radio about the hardships individuals are facing when they can't pay off their Christmas debts by next March or April."I am so happy you don't behave like the rest of this continent", refering to my conservative, old-fashioned budgeting.

I liked this spontanuous and small gesture from my husband. And yes, during Black Friday I joined the madness. But, I knew my limit and stayed within it.

Ïf running in the pouring rain is a mindset, so should be  debt-free shopping. Both take discipline and a certain mindset - and this in today's world seems extra-ordinary. Don't you agree?

There Is No Such Thing as a Boring JOB -

It is you who is boring!

Tony Robbins said this! A very long time ago I heard him speaking about the connection between a positive                                                       attitude and enjoyment at work:   "We are in charge of our own job satisfaction and enjoyment at work."                                                                                                                                                                                            I believe him!  Therefore, his pearls of wisdom have been my credo for at least two decades;                                                a mantra to get me through some mind numbing tasks.                                                                                                           As you  know, fame and fortune hasn’t come by - yet!                                                                                                                 The summer job is over and I decided to fill up my bank account doing part time                                                                       work as a “Brand Ambassador”. On Sunday I represented a well-known Canadian drugs company who offers a                                                                     supplement line for women during' different stages in their lives'! Where: A well known Canadian Drugstore                                                                                                                                    Location:   Coquitlam                                                                                                                                                            Time:   Sunday morning 10-2pm                                                                                                                                        Weather condition: Rainy, cold and miserable                                                                                                               Task: To raise awareness among the female shoppers for these supplements! Equipped with my fold-up demonstration table, the store manager                                                                                         positioned me at the corner of the vitamin isle - but somehow I ended up                                                                                  stuck in between the ‘magic-touch nail dryer’ and the new line of gift stockings. I had nine products on offer and a savings initiative of adding 2000 points to the                                                        customer’s shoppers- savings card if they purchase one of the supplements.                                                                       (Canadians love their bonus points! They redeem them for ‘free ‘stuff later on!) I don’t  know if it was the weather, the time of day or the day itself, but hardly                                                                            anybody was around during my 4-hour shift.                                                                                                                        Especially the vitamin aisle was deserted for the longest time! All in all, I feared the worse: Boredom might set in!  Four hours can be a                                                                             very long time if you have nobody to talk to.The voice of Tony became alive in                                                                      my head: “There is no such thing as a boring job. It is up to you to make it interesting!" I  memorized nine different instruction lists, the main ingredient lists and                                                                          benefits of these nine supplement bottles.  I was so focused and so keen to put my                                                                  knowledge to the test that the first question of the day totally caught me off guard:                                                                   “Where do I find the umbrellas please?” My product line is designed to help women to get through the first                                                                                        signs of menopause, helps to relieve symptoms of PMS, enhances sexual desire,                                                                   promotes healthy hair, skin & nails to name a few.                                                                                                               That meant, any men wandering down the aisle were rendered ‘unsuitable’ due to their gender alone. The few teenage girls I saw were still too young to worry about                                                                                             “abnormal cell growth in their breasts”. The ladies of desirable age let me knew that                                                                                                                          ‘they were swallowing way too many pills already’. Or, they knew exactly                                                                               which brand they were looking for and didn’t want to switch                                                                                                  from the known to the unknown. If I didn’t want to experience job boredom and render to the                                                                                                     fact that I am boring, I had to come up with a rescue plan:                                                                                                          I changed my approached and abandoned my post at the                                                                                        vitamin/supplement aisle and moved to the front of the store.                                                                                                Positioned at the corner of 'Beauty' and 'Parfumerie' I handed                                                                                            every 'suitable 'woman a flyer  ("Ï know how to keep a job interesting, I am Not boring”)! I started moving around, changing my position and finally, time went by much faster.                                                                                                                                                                                       And thank God for the elderly gentleman who needed my help to find the                                                                           chips in the long container’. Or the girl who was desperate                                                                                                          to locate digestive cookies, covered in    chocolate.                                                                                                                                                                                        It took all my imagination, creativity, sense of humour                                                                                                      and good attitude to make something extra-ordinary out of this somewhat dire situation!                                                                                                                                                                                      I fought for four hours – and I lost.  But sometimes,                                                                                                                    a woman needs to listen to herself and render to her own judgement:                                                                                         I did my best, I had a good enough time, but still, it was boring!                                                                                             Over the years I discovered that yes, sometimes tasks we are performing are boring!                                                         This is a simple fact of life!                                                                                                                                                   And, it has nothing to do with our attitude towards the job.                                                                                                            Boring is boring!  But I also discovered,                                                                                                                                     'doing a job can be boring, but that doesn't mean I am boring!'

SALMON RUN

All salmon spawn in fresh water, usually in streams. Many salmon, especially Pacific salmon spend their adult lives in the ocean, returning to their native streams to     spawn. Unlike other salmonids, Pacific salmon die after spawning. They are     famous for their ability to home precisely to their place of birth to spawn.I found this at: www.kanada-british-columbia.de/en/salmon_run/index.htm

You most probably know this!                                                                                                                                    As embarrassing as it sounds, I was blissfully ignorant of the spawning habits of Pacific salmon until we moved to British Columbia. Until our relocation, salmon were an expensive delicacy on our dinning plates. Now, with the new gained knowledge I have tremendous respect for these swimming creatures. Today, whenever I eat them I can taste the added flavours of respect, admiration and the slight hint of sadness.

What I want to know is this:  Do the salmon actually know they are going to die after they spawned? Do they know they are paying with their life for ‘reproduction’? Come to think of it, I don’t believe fish rank high on the evolution ladder (dear fishermen or salmon experts, please correct me if I am wrong!). 

Why am I telling you this?                                                                                             This extra-ordinary behaviour is in full swing and it is happening right in front of our door steps!

On our way to school we are walking along the Alouette River.



As soon as we get close to the water our children accuse me of having a ‘gastro-intestine’ problem. How often do I need to say it:” It is not me, it is the fish! The stink comes from their dead bodies, plugged apart by seagulls or left, half eaten, by bears.



Let me take you on a tour to prove my innocence:

The river runs for app. 100 km until it reaches the Pacific Ocean – i.e. for this length the adult fish swim and fight against the current to reach their original “breeding” ground.



This in itself is a major accomplishment. If you add the current heavy rain falls, the thought of swimming against a very heavy current just to spawn is extra-ordinary indeed.





I can’t leave you with the image of dead fish! I will keep it fishy, but will switch from real life to the silver screen: Whenever you feel like having salmon, try this one:

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen:

Full of wicked British humour, spiced with silky smooth Scottish accents, embedded in beautiful scenery!  It is delicious!

WHEN IN SEATTLE, EAT!

Here is my account of our road trip to Seattle. On our quest to take the children places, to widen their horizon and to appreciate city life, we discovered that it is the simple thing that kept our boys happy!

Here we go again: During the recent long weekend we took the opportunity to spice up our‘daily life’ and took our boys across the border to visit Seattle.  We like to describe ourselves as ‘cosmopolitan parents’: “It is our duty to take them places and to let them explore other cultures ( I am not sure if Seattle qualifies)”

If it wouldn’t be for the border control, Seattle is only a hop and skip away from Vancouver (i.e. a two hour car ride).

Seattle, the birthplace of our modern, coffee drinking civilization (i.e. Starbucks)!

[caption id="attachment_313" align="alignright" width="300"] The first ever store![/caption]

Seattle, the home of one of the richest man in the world. The man, who made sure computers are a household item (Microsoft)!

Thanks to the invention of TV shows (in this case I – Carly), our boys were familiar with the city and the Space Needle way before we arrived.



During this recent trip we took the Sumas border-crossing, followed by a beautiful ride through winding, picturesque countryside through rural Washington State. I always ‘make sure’ that our children appreciate the beautiful surroundings they find themselves in. During this trip it somewhat back fired on me: “You always tell us to look at mountains, they all look the same.” Or a better one is: “Everything is beautiful here!”

Can I blame them? Not really. We moved to B.C., one of the greenest, most beautiful places on earth.                                                                                                                                                                               For 15 years now we are in the parent business and we discovered it is much easier to go with the flow and the ever changing times than to bang our head against the wall - wishing the 'good old times back'. Gone are the days when our –now- teenager was happy to draw for hours, play with his Lego blogs or stare out of the window to count cows during a car trip. Nowadays it is the screen in front of them instead of the screen ahead of them which holds their attention. It is the 21th Century and hand held devices rule when it comes to entertaining children during a car trip!

We arrived, fought for a parking spot and started our adventure!

First stop: Pike Market at the Waterfront

[caption id="attachment_315" align="aligncenter" width="150"] A very crowded Saturday[/caption]

It is Saturday and very crowded. We are six, only two of us have a mobile phone and we are all wearing dark jackets - in case of separation we will have a hard time relocation each other again! Needless to say, I love all this hassle and buzzing around me -  our boys couldn't care less. 

If fish throwing, singing fish mongers can’t hold their attention, what can? And guess what? They didn’t appreciate some of the advertising either!



The simple solution to a complex dilemma?   An authentic Gyros Food stall:  Give the children food and they will be happy and contend!

Second stop: Space Needle

It is a 41 second elevator ride to the top of the Space Needle. Once at the top you are rewarded with a 360 - degree panoramic view. This trip alone set us back $120.00! I personally have no problem spending all day at the top to make sure I get enough ‘views for my money’. Unlike our boy. Money doesn't mean anything to them. If this isn't bad enough, five minutes upon arrival and a sprint around the platform we heard the first:”Can we go now?” Followed by a: “Are we done yet?”



Parents can only take so much nagging, so we followed our credo: Go with the flow and give the children what they really want: Food. This time we landed in the massive Food Hall next to the Children’s Museum:  It was MOD Pizza for four of us, Subway for our oldest and Big Food (aka a hot pork sandwich) for Dominic.

Third stop:

With a tummy full of food it is easy to enjoy The International Fountain. The fountain spouts  water to the backdrop of classical music and finishes with a grand finale.  It is simply put, Spectacular!



Fourth stop:

As young as our children are, the already know the universal truth: Goods in the USA are cheaper than in Canada and the choice you have here is much bigger! Therefore, it was enough sightseeing for the day and we headed for the next shopping mall and outlet stores! Let me rephrase this: A nirvana found for parents and kids alike. During the next few hours all we heard was the happy chatting of four happy boys comparing the newest Halo games while trying on Nike shirts or searching for the perfect winter sweat-shirt.

It doesn’t need to be complicated, educational or eye-opening: When it comes to children and being an extra-ordinary parent, we keep it simple: we offer them what they want! Food and outlet stores! Quite simple, really!

There is a Sucker Born every Second

My book has arrived for its first proof read- slowly but surely I am moving towards publication date! It is exciting and very scary indeed. For the previous five months I have been bombarded (I really MEAN bombarded) by US based marketers with their free telesiminars, video calls, and free subscriptions, free listen –ins etc. All in the name of book promotion to the masses! Three hundred million people across the border are reasons enough to listen to the tips and tricks of these master marketers.  I have to know what makes American tick!                                                                                   This is what I learned: By far the most important, single item on the list is to have a good sob-story to share.                                                                                                                              Oh these Americans, they still LOVE the old fashioned “From Rags to Riches” tale.  If you want to connect, to really connect and gain credibility in the American market you should have risen like a phoenix from the ashes – e.g..

Escaped a destructive husband and marriage.

Survived a near fatal car crash.

One should have been broke, bankrupt or nearly broke with maxed out credit cards.

One should have experienced the death of a loved one.

Other good topics are being evicted from the house, become unemployed, lived on the street, being a single parent...

Now I begin to panic:  What happens if you Don’t have a story to tell? What about if your story is about ‘the deep desire to follow your heart', and your only life motto is “to JUST DO IT” (Nike, I love you for this slogan).

Very soon I will find out if  "Only a sad story is a good story” Or if I will stand a chance in the US market with my "happily married, three children, fun life story".  One thing is still for sure, none of these ‘suckers’ will get my money!

My husband is deeply concerned that I will eventually break down and will part with my money to get the help they promised. As I said in blog " Ïmpulsive Decisions, write a book & shrink my waist, I don’t believe in short cuts. In order to reach the No.1 spot on Amazon .com I actually want people around the world to read my book and recommended it to their friends- i.e. the old fashioned way. It may take much longer than any tried and tested road map from Mr. Marketer, but at least it is honest and much cheaper.

On this note I will raise my glass to every wonderful, unique individual out there who prefers to explore the path of the unknown without the help of an expensive guru! The road ahead may be more bumpy, but at least it is your own!

Prost to being extra-ordinary!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOVE IS IN THE AIR

It is official: Our teenage son has a girl-friend! After weeks of speculation, casual remarks about her, several visits to her house and late night text-messaging I finally - officially - met Mystery Girl!

Good Lord, our son has taste! (He probably got that from his father...) She is gorgeous! Everything about her is long: her overall size, her hair and her legs! If this isn’t enough, she seems to be very nice, polite, fun, well brought up and well mannered! It seems to be too good to be true, but pretty and nice can go hand in hand together.

Here I am, home alone with our teenage son and his girl-friend. They went up to his room – and from then onwards, silence! What are they doing? Actually, I leave this to your imagination and mine! I did what (hopefully) every mother would have done: I avoided the upstairs – in fear of being accused to spy on them! Instead of sorting through our laundry upstairs I decided to spent a delightful afternoon on YouTube, searching for the songs which would bring back vivid memories of my first kiss, slow dance and the other innocent, but still slightly naughty things I did when I was a teenager!

What was I worried about? A stolen kiss? Or that little bit more? I don’t really know!  Our teenager is fully aware of the story with the bee and the flower (i.e. reproduction). He spent his first ten years in the Dutch school system. A system were they don’t shy away from graphic illustrations when it comes to sex education and STD.  This country has the lowest pregnancy rate among teenagers in all of Europe! Need I say more?  Honestly, I am pretty sure our son knows more about any of the dating do and don’ts than I ever knew. So if it’s not the S.. I was worried about what was it?

From now on I am the mother of a teenager who has a girl-friend! This is a new step into unknown territory for me!   Am I the only one or do you agree when I say, as a parent you have constantly new territories to conquer? On the other hand, this new job-description is another opportunity to shine as an "extra-ordinary" mother (e.g. don't spy on them).

Finally, after I relived all my first time adventures, the laundry couldn’t wait any longer.  Hesitantly I went upstairs only to realize the couple wasn’t around after all!  At that moment I figured I had to avoid our den. But, I am only human and a woman and my curiosity got the better of me. I went downstairs.

I was prepared for hot flushes and embarrassed looks! But all I could hear was rapid gun fire (good decoy) and laughter. Here they are, in front of our TV screen:  The gorgeous girl-friend was kicking my son’s ass on the Xbox!

So much for my vivid imagination! When I was a teenager we didn’t have electronic devices! We had to entertain ourselves with different objects of desire...